I went to the dentist today....dohhh....i should have left the country instead. My appointment was for 8:45, i got out of the office at 10:39, needless to say it was fun for all. I arrived and signed the same sheet i sign every time that says none of my information has changed. And every time i tell them nothing has changed but they make me read it and sign anyway. Good policy....
I was the only one in the office yet i waited till 9 to see the hygienist. She grilled me for not flossing enough (I floss once a day) and she drilled me for not brushing my gums (uhh guess i was busy with my teeth)....
Next she fried me for not brushing behind my back molars...huh...apparently when my wisdom teeth were out they forgot to tell me to brush my gums back there...my bad? She was like "take your brush and relax your jaw and brush behind your tooth...i said relax it...you arent relaxing" BITCH i'm not a snake, my jaw doesnt detach so i can swallow a rabbit whole. If i could move my jaw like that, i would. No, she didnt apologize for ramming my jaw with the plastic end of the brush for 2 mins non stop...
So she proceeded to clean my teeth which bleed all over because my gums were sore. Then the dentist came in and grilled me for the exact same things as the hygienist. Fun!...
One the way out I went to the receptionist to check out. Shes about 27/28 years old and started off the conversation like "aww youve grown up so much, blah blah blah" then changed to "Your mom must be so proud of her young stud" Then she asked me how school was last semester and when i told her stressful she said "what? what does a young cutie like you have to be stressed out about"...Wow lady, I'm creeped but strangely flattered at the same time...She continued like this for several more minutes and finally scheduled my next appointment..."See you in 6 months cutie" is what I heard as I exited the office....I cant wait till my next visit...
Friday, January 18, 2008
Our government...
While sitting around enjoying SportsCenter for the 4th time in one afternoon I received a phone call from an NSA agent. He wanted to come to my house and interview me because a friend listed me as a reference on a job application. I told him I was free tomorrow (which was Wednesday) so he decided to come around 1pm....
Agent Sterling pulled into my driveway at the exact second my watch hit 1pm, uncanny really. He introduced himself, showed me his credentials (from about 32 different angles, dude I get it, you have a badge, I don't). We sat down at my kitchen table, I offered him a drink, he declined and so we started the interview....
He pulled out a packet of questions about my friend "Clifford" and grabbed his nifty space pen in order to takes notes on our conversation. He begins by asking me how I met Cliff and how long ago that was. So I told him about playing tennis together and he said "oh...you only played the one sport, hmm." And he jotted down "One sport" in his Holly Hobby notebook. I found this strange but replied well he played basketball with us a few times too... Agent Sterling didn't seem impressed and wrote down "Baskets too." Next he asked about our classes and I listed our several AP classes we took together. He said "A....P.....Advanced Place mats?...Placement!...That sounds hard." I told him no not really, Clifford and I both did well. To which he jotted "Advanced but not hard"....
The interview continued like that for several minutes, meanwhile I'm sweating like I was strapped into the electric chair with a heat lamp shining on me. Then out of no where he goes "Oh ok, heres a question, Do you think your friend is a threat to blow up a federal building?" Uhhh no dude wtf, why would I hang with a threat to national security, give me more credit than that. I thought the questions were going to be things like have you ever seen Cliff speed while driving to which I would say yeah, you almost have to speed to not cause an accident these days...But is he a bomb threat? Nasty curveball man....
Then he asked me some standard stuff. "Does your friend associate with any 'bad' people, drug dealers etc." Hmm let me think I did see him dealing crack this one time....NO but I wonder what I'll be asked next. "Does he drink or do drugs?" Shocker... Umm this one time I walked in on him doing a line of coke off a hookers ass...No man, come on, I don't do drugs so why would I be around when someone else was doing them. I mean since I've never seen him do it, its a safe bet he's clean, jeez....To this he wrote down "No drugs seen so far"...
"Is he patriotic?" Well we've never participated in a "Go America!" rally together but I'd say its a safe bet considering he was a citizen of another country before and now he isn't. Seems loyal to me, but what do I know? He then scribbled down something along the lines of "Loyal patriot." I don't know if I'd go that far, I mean I love living here too but I don't know if I'd compare myself to George Washington quite yet...
He then went off topic and began telling me about all the opportunities and benefits of government work, to which I agreed and listened careful because maybe I'll apply for a govt. job one day too so my friends can experience this process as well...From there he brought up College Park, "I've met with several other young people from your college, older ones mostly, but I so surprised that kids who were just fifth year seniors were already thinking so far ahead. I mean they even asked me what the health benefits were like HAHAHAHA, can you imagine?" I was kind of caught off guard by this comment so I couldn't come up with anything truly smart ass to say so my only remark was "Yeah, how wild, its not like they'll have to worry about that anytime soon, thats like what? 5 months away"... And then he asked me if I had given a career in the government any thoughts and I said a little and he told me to check online which I appreciated and said well this could could prove worth while after all. So naturally he wrote in his notebook, "Appreciative, ready for future too." Awesome. Our tax dollars at work, that $100 space pen is really being put to good use....God bless America? You're damn right...
The interview wrapped up after some other nutty moments which I'll spare you from reading about. I walked him to the door, told him its ok to turn his car around in the grass so he doesn't have to back up our driveway because even we don't enjoy that and he seemed tickled as if he was being treated as a member of the family. Overall this was a positive experience, Agent Sterling, you are welcome back anytime. Oh and Cliff good luck getting the job, hopefully you weren't applying to be the official NSA interview man, my boy Sterling has that on lock down...
Agent Sterling pulled into my driveway at the exact second my watch hit 1pm, uncanny really. He introduced himself, showed me his credentials (from about 32 different angles, dude I get it, you have a badge, I don't). We sat down at my kitchen table, I offered him a drink, he declined and so we started the interview....
He pulled out a packet of questions about my friend "Clifford" and grabbed his nifty space pen in order to takes notes on our conversation. He begins by asking me how I met Cliff and how long ago that was. So I told him about playing tennis together and he said "oh...you only played the one sport, hmm." And he jotted down "One sport" in his Holly Hobby notebook. I found this strange but replied well he played basketball with us a few times too... Agent Sterling didn't seem impressed and wrote down "Baskets too." Next he asked about our classes and I listed our several AP classes we took together. He said "A....P.....Advanced Place mats?...Placement!...That sounds hard." I told him no not really, Clifford and I both did well. To which he jotted "Advanced but not hard"....
The interview continued like that for several minutes, meanwhile I'm sweating like I was strapped into the electric chair with a heat lamp shining on me. Then out of no where he goes "Oh ok, heres a question, Do you think your friend is a threat to blow up a federal building?" Uhhh no dude wtf, why would I hang with a threat to national security, give me more credit than that. I thought the questions were going to be things like have you ever seen Cliff speed while driving to which I would say yeah, you almost have to speed to not cause an accident these days...But is he a bomb threat? Nasty curveball man....
Then he asked me some standard stuff. "Does your friend associate with any 'bad' people, drug dealers etc." Hmm let me think I did see him dealing crack this one time....NO but I wonder what I'll be asked next. "Does he drink or do drugs?" Shocker... Umm this one time I walked in on him doing a line of coke off a hookers ass...No man, come on, I don't do drugs so why would I be around when someone else was doing them. I mean since I've never seen him do it, its a safe bet he's clean, jeez....To this he wrote down "No drugs seen so far"...
"Is he patriotic?" Well we've never participated in a "Go America!" rally together but I'd say its a safe bet considering he was a citizen of another country before and now he isn't. Seems loyal to me, but what do I know? He then scribbled down something along the lines of "Loyal patriot." I don't know if I'd go that far, I mean I love living here too but I don't know if I'd compare myself to George Washington quite yet...
He then went off topic and began telling me about all the opportunities and benefits of government work, to which I agreed and listened careful because maybe I'll apply for a govt. job one day too so my friends can experience this process as well...From there he brought up College Park, "I've met with several other young people from your college, older ones mostly, but I so surprised that kids who were just fifth year seniors were already thinking so far ahead. I mean they even asked me what the health benefits were like HAHAHAHA, can you imagine?" I was kind of caught off guard by this comment so I couldn't come up with anything truly smart ass to say so my only remark was "Yeah, how wild, its not like they'll have to worry about that anytime soon, thats like what? 5 months away"... And then he asked me if I had given a career in the government any thoughts and I said a little and he told me to check online which I appreciated and said well this could could prove worth while after all. So naturally he wrote in his notebook, "Appreciative, ready for future too." Awesome. Our tax dollars at work, that $100 space pen is really being put to good use....God bless America? You're damn right...
The interview wrapped up after some other nutty moments which I'll spare you from reading about. I walked him to the door, told him its ok to turn his car around in the grass so he doesn't have to back up our driveway because even we don't enjoy that and he seemed tickled as if he was being treated as a member of the family. Overall this was a positive experience, Agent Sterling, you are welcome back anytime. Oh and Cliff good luck getting the job, hopefully you weren't applying to be the official NSA interview man, my boy Sterling has that on lock down...
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Ad replies
The ad i mentioned in my last post received 2 or 3 replies initially. The girl that I spoke of at the end of the last post I never ended up speaking to. The other replies were from a very cool black girl who I actually think I'll end up being pretty good friends with, which is way cool. The other response was from..uhh...lets call her Sue...
Basically after speaking for a few days, Sue terrifies the shit out of me, lol. I don't know why I'm laughing, the chick is totally off balance. After a few minutes of talking she brought up how we had that kind of chemistry two parents would have? First of all, what? Second of all, what? Does that mean we'd make a good fit to have babies? I'm 6 feet tall, athletic, incredibly personable, and very suave, lol. She is 5 feet tall, her only interaction with the sun is from eating sun scream probably, shes creepy, but shes personable too in that type of "I'm gonna chop you into little bits and store you in my freezer sort of way." So at least we share some similar traits?...
Sue's next comment that might raise a few eyebrows when she told me she was waiting till marriage to you know...engage in reindeer games...but I was a cutie so who knows...AWESOME girl I don't even know, sure ill be your first time!!!! Who says that to someone? I hope she was just being funny or messing with me with all of this because it gets worse...
"Can I call you baby?" That was the next thing...Umm are we dating? No? Then no you cant call me that. Are you my actual birth mother? No? Then I'm sorry it just wouldnt make sense for you to call me that...
"How about cutie?" Well maybe because that at least makes some sense...Wait! No, you can't, I don't even know you. After this, my next thought was to just say good night and block her or maybe change my name and get a fake passport so I can move to Bismarck, North Dakota and live with my man crush Rod...I digress...
She finished by saying the ONLY thing that could make this worse for me. If your guess was that she invited me over for daiquiris... you're wrong, it's worse. "When we are dating I'll be able to say goodnight with those three special words"...(uhh: Bite me bitch?)... "I love you!"...Dohhh she said it, I'm done for, I need to cut all ties here...
So after spending 30 minutes explaining how it was a mistake to do this because I'm not emotionally ready yet and her seeming to buy it, she says, "so wait, was it something i said?"...Uhhh yessss, but I'm not gonna tell you that. I'm sure you're probably a nice girl who is just a little clingy but come on now, you would have to know this interaction will haunt my dreams for months to come....
So I finally ended our brief relationship, lol, nicely and seemingly smoothly. But really who knows? She could be hacking into my computer right now to see where I live and what my credit card numbers are (all nerds can do that right?). Well at least I had 19 years of fun, lol, now I can live in quasi fear of this chick....Awesome...
In summary I'm actually hoping this was just some 40 year old weirdo sitting in his basement getting his gay jollies from this because at this then I won't be petrified this chick will come looking for me...If you need me I'll be busy writing my will...
To Stephen I leave my N64...To Austin I leave my signed baseball collection...To Dicken I leave my legacy of trashing Depends and him not knowing it...To Alex I leave my jersey and my hat collections for him to play pick up ball in...To Chesapeake Rob I leave Rod Benson's screen name so he can keep sweating him as much as do....
Basically after speaking for a few days, Sue terrifies the shit out of me, lol. I don't know why I'm laughing, the chick is totally off balance. After a few minutes of talking she brought up how we had that kind of chemistry two parents would have? First of all, what? Second of all, what? Does that mean we'd make a good fit to have babies? I'm 6 feet tall, athletic, incredibly personable, and very suave, lol. She is 5 feet tall, her only interaction with the sun is from eating sun scream probably, shes creepy, but shes personable too in that type of "I'm gonna chop you into little bits and store you in my freezer sort of way." So at least we share some similar traits?...
Sue's next comment that might raise a few eyebrows when she told me she was waiting till marriage to you know...engage in reindeer games...but I was a cutie so who knows...AWESOME girl I don't even know, sure ill be your first time!!!! Who says that to someone? I hope she was just being funny or messing with me with all of this because it gets worse...
"Can I call you baby?" That was the next thing...Umm are we dating? No? Then no you cant call me that. Are you my actual birth mother? No? Then I'm sorry it just wouldnt make sense for you to call me that...
"How about cutie?" Well maybe because that at least makes some sense...Wait! No, you can't, I don't even know you. After this, my next thought was to just say good night and block her or maybe change my name and get a fake passport so I can move to Bismarck, North Dakota and live with my man crush Rod...I digress...
She finished by saying the ONLY thing that could make this worse for me. If your guess was that she invited me over for daiquiris... you're wrong, it's worse. "When we are dating I'll be able to say goodnight with those three special words"...(uhh: Bite me bitch?)... "I love you!"...Dohhh she said it, I'm done for, I need to cut all ties here...
So after spending 30 minutes explaining how it was a mistake to do this because I'm not emotionally ready yet and her seeming to buy it, she says, "so wait, was it something i said?"...Uhhh yessss, but I'm not gonna tell you that. I'm sure you're probably a nice girl who is just a little clingy but come on now, you would have to know this interaction will haunt my dreams for months to come....
So I finally ended our brief relationship, lol, nicely and seemingly smoothly. But really who knows? She could be hacking into my computer right now to see where I live and what my credit card numbers are (all nerds can do that right?). Well at least I had 19 years of fun, lol, now I can live in quasi fear of this chick....Awesome...
In summary I'm actually hoping this was just some 40 year old weirdo sitting in his basement getting his gay jollies from this because at this then I won't be petrified this chick will come looking for me...If you need me I'll be busy writing my will...
To Stephen I leave my N64...To Austin I leave my signed baseball collection...To Dicken I leave my legacy of trashing Depends and him not knowing it...To Alex I leave my jersey and my hat collections for him to play pick up ball in...To Chesapeake Rob I leave Rod Benson's screen name so he can keep sweating him as much as do....
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
aww jeez
Boredom...its a wonderful thing. Its one of the few things in life that makes doing stupid stuff seem like a fun and productive use of time. Specifically I'm talking about what I was doing at 2 a.m. last night. Because of my recent lady troubles I went into one of my patented rants to my friend Austin. The rant consisted of all I really want out of a relationship...long story there but I'm not greedy I just want to end up happy....
Speaking of happy, my happiest moments from this past semester were football tailgates. One event in particular came to mind. Austin's roommate, Kyle, was telling us about how he reads ads on craigslist about bbw who have curves in all the right places. "Big girls need lovin' too" or to be degraded if you ask Austin, which is a story for another day. Well this scene was more so funny because of the reaction of Kyle's girl, Kelley, when she heard about Kyle's past time of reading about naked wrestling with girls who describe themselves as curvy in the best ways...(listen porky 52DD is nottttt in the right way, sickkkkk)....
Sorry, I got distracted from the real point of this. Kyle's hobby gave me an idea to fill up my night. I decided (with Austin egging me on) to make a personal ad on Craigslist....
I'm 6'1, 170lbs and I have brown hair and blue eyes. I like to be outdoors and play basketball and tennis regularly. I don't like going out to bars and getting drunk, I'm content to just stay home and watch a movie with good company. It'd be nice to meet a girl that doesn't have alot of drama, mental issues, serious medical conditions. Just someone to date that I can sit around with and hang out would be appreciated. Let me know if you fit the bill.
That was the exact ad I posted online (no I didn't include my picture, altho I almost used Austin's...cept I value my house not being burned down, lol). So far I have had one reply from a girl telling me she sounds like exactlllyyyyy what I'm looking for (yeah, I doubt that too) and that we could exchange pictures if I wanted to see what I had to look forward (gawd I hope she isn't talking about what I think...bitch did you even read my ad, I'm looking for a chick who will make me a sandwich in exchange for snuggling with here...jk ladies)....
I'll keep you posted (by making a new post...thats right, pun intended) on what transpires next. Word to your mother...
Speaking of happy, my happiest moments from this past semester were football tailgates. One event in particular came to mind. Austin's roommate, Kyle, was telling us about how he reads ads on craigslist about bbw who have curves in all the right places. "Big girls need lovin' too" or to be degraded if you ask Austin, which is a story for another day. Well this scene was more so funny because of the reaction of Kyle's girl, Kelley, when she heard about Kyle's past time of reading about naked wrestling with girls who describe themselves as curvy in the best ways...(listen porky 52DD is nottttt in the right way, sickkkkk)....
Sorry, I got distracted from the real point of this. Kyle's hobby gave me an idea to fill up my night. I decided (with Austin egging me on) to make a personal ad on Craigslist....
I'm 6'1, 170lbs and I have brown hair and blue eyes. I like to be outdoors and play basketball and tennis regularly. I don't like going out to bars and getting drunk, I'm content to just stay home and watch a movie with good company. It'd be nice to meet a girl that doesn't have alot of drama, mental issues, serious medical conditions. Just someone to date that I can sit around with and hang out would be appreciated. Let me know if you fit the bill.
That was the exact ad I posted online (no I didn't include my picture, altho I almost used Austin's...cept I value my house not being burned down, lol). So far I have had one reply from a girl telling me she sounds like exactlllyyyyy what I'm looking for (yeah, I doubt that too) and that we could exchange pictures if I wanted to see what I had to look forward (gawd I hope she isn't talking about what I think...bitch did you even read my ad, I'm looking for a chick who will make me a sandwich in exchange for snuggling with here...jk ladies)....
I'll keep you posted (by making a new post...thats right, pun intended) on what transpires next. Word to your mother...
Friday, January 11, 2008
Elements of Life
Ever changing
Rearranging
World
Un-definable
Happiness
Fanciful
Love
Trivial
Reality
Integral
Identity
Arbitrary
Feelings
Revealing
Hardships
Fulfilling
Life
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
My new thunder
A storm of lightning
Accompanied by thunder
Scared, startled
My covers I go under
Alone, swallowed by dark
Occasional flashes of light
This scene once
Filled me with fright
Fear is still present
But it's no longer the same
This fear is different
Impossible to tame
The only thing I fear
I cannot avoid
So many doubts come from it
Confidence easily destroyed
Its not alarming to some
But I fear life
I look ahead and see nothing
But struggle and strife
Full of change
Never knowing what is real
A vast rainbow of emotions
Yet I never know just how to feel
I can't focus on this fear
It will accomplish nothing
Nervousness and
Worry is all that will bring
I can either act now
And conquer my fears
Or let them control me
And regret it for the rest of my years
My only real choice is
To meet life head on
Time to face the world, the storm
Is over, tomorrow ushers in a new dawn
Accompanied by thunder
Scared, startled
My covers I go under
Alone, swallowed by dark
Occasional flashes of light
This scene once
Filled me with fright
Fear is still present
But it's no longer the same
This fear is different
Impossible to tame
The only thing I fear
I cannot avoid
So many doubts come from it
Confidence easily destroyed
Its not alarming to some
But I fear life
I look ahead and see nothing
But struggle and strife
Full of change
Never knowing what is real
A vast rainbow of emotions
Yet I never know just how to feel
I can't focus on this fear
It will accomplish nothing
Nervousness and
Worry is all that will bring
I can either act now
And conquer my fears
Or let them control me
And regret it for the rest of my years
My only real choice is
To meet life head on
Time to face the world, the storm
Is over, tomorrow ushers in a new dawn
Winter
Wind blows
Trees bend and break under pressure
Cold surrounds all
Air that burns your lungs
Howling, whistling
You can’t escape it
The outdoors become unbearable
Taking you prisoner, a hostage of the wind
People covered by dense layers
Like a wolf’s winter coat
Birds abandon their roosts
Heading for their vacation spots
Squirrels frantic to gather their supplies
Bears hide away deep in caves
People tuck themselves in under blankets
No one wants to endure the cold
Days pass by in a blink
Nights seem to last for ages
Depression makes itself at home
Will the darkness lift?
Where a rainbow of red and yellow once was
Nothing is left, leaves are scarce
Color disappears
Only white remains
But we progress, fires burn
Smoke wafts out of chimneys
Marsh mellows are cooked
Ginger bread real estate is put on the market
Pine needles adorn the floor
Packages lined up around the trunk
Bulbs and colorful globes hang from branches
An angel sits high above the rest, watching
A blanket covers the ground
Laughter hits your ears
Tightly packed snow whizzes through the air
Sheets of ice lay hidden beneath the snow
Children count down days
When will the reindeer come to our roof top?
Anticipation builds
Cookies and milk will soon be left by the fireplace
Family assembles
All the puzzle pieces take their places
Eggnog and cocoa seem right at home in their mugs
Stockings hang like neck ties at a board meeting
All these signs can only mean one thing
Its that time of year
Your senses scream it
Winter is here
You
Memories of you
But that’s not what I want
No I don’t want memories of
You, I want you
Time spent together
Don’t want that to end
People come and go but not
You, I want you
All that I need
Is for you to be around
Only one thing makes it all ok,
You, I want you
Somewhere out there
Is the girl for me
When I picture this only one face appears,
You, I want you
You hear a lot
Of talk about soul mates,
Not just my soul mate, my heart is for
You, I want you
Things are rocky
Mountains, rocky road ice cream,
But relationships shouldn’t, not with
You, I want you
It takes a lot
Work, time, effort, love
It’s worth it to be with
You, I want you
Wait…
I take it all back
I don’t actually want
You, I want Us
The Dance
Stumbling down the same ol’ path
Walking alone with no end in sight
On my own surrounded by dark
Keep moving on, searching for the light
I had a plan to get through this
There was only one way
No one was there to guide me
And from my grand design I did stray
Things are never how they appear
That causes me great confusion
I thought I had certain aspects figured out
In the end they may have all been an illusion
Life takes funny turns
Many forks in the road
I have to work this out for myself
Can’t ask for help, it’s against my code
In a cave, I travel deeper and deeper
My compass is broken, doesn’t point in any direction
Sit down on a rock, taking a break
I pause for reflection
I no longer know the way
Truly flying blind
My face is blank without expression but
The gears turn like never before inside my mind
It’s hard to know what’s right
There’s no model to follow
It all seems to lack meaning
Leaving me empty and hollow
Ever thing I do, each breath I take
It’s all becoming a struggle
Too big of a clown to work through it
Or maybe just too tired to juggle
Have to keep treading water
If not I’ll drown
The tide is rising, nothing to stand on
Feet no longer reach the ground
Figure out what to do
It’s my only chance
Can’t keep going through the motions
I’m sick of the dance
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