My life was meaningless before you
Until you entered my life I was a rudderless ship
Your infinite wisdom has finally given me the direction
I need to survive this long, strange trip
I appreciate beyond words the time you’ve taken to
Pass on your vast wealth of knowledge
It speaks to your brilliance that you know everything
About everything yet you went to an aviation-only college
A subject matter expert on all subjects
Keeping all that wisdom to yourself would truly be a crime
Think of all that I could learn from you
If you ever managed to show up to work on time
In a former life you must have been a ninja because
You get away with a lot due to your apparent stealth
You forget to do half of your tasks, are always two hours late, and
Never remember to shower, which I hear is bad for your health
So what if your hygiene leaves something to be desired
Maybe its an integral part of one of your master plans
Who else could get away with an avalanche of dandruff
And odors that probably come from having overactive sweat glands
By the stories you tell, I’m envious of how
You have such an adoring and smitten girlfriend
I know it wasn’t your lack of social skills that drew her in
But just maybe that weird cough acts as a mating call, and that I would commend
I’ve grown fond of the way you always
Act like you’re doing me a favor
And how you constantly look down on me
Trust me, that’s truly endearing behavior
Even more impressive than the fact that you’re always right
Is the fact that you are never, ever wrong
That is reason enough to look down on all of us mere mortals
A god among men, this office is obviously where you belong
