Tuesday, January 27, 2009
This shit is true genius
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright --
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done --
'It's very rude of him.' she said,
'To come and spoil the fun!'
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead --
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand:
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
'If this were only cleared away,'
They said, 'it would be grand.'
'If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose,' the Walrus said,
'That they could get it clear?'
'l doubt it,' said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
'O Oysters, come and walk with us!
The Walrus did beseech.
'A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.'
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head --
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
Out four young Oysters hurried up.
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat --
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more --
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
'The time has come,' the Walrus said,
'To talk of many things:
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
Of cabbages -- and kings --
And why the sea is boiling hot --
And whether pigs have wings.'
'But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried,
'Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!'
'No hurry!' said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
'A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said,
'Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed --
Now, if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.'
'But not on us!' the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
'After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!'
'The night is fine,' the Walrus said,
'Do you admire the view?'
'It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
'Cut us another slice-
I wish you were not quite so deaf-
I've had to ask you twice!'
'It seems a shame,' the Walrus said,
'To play them such a trick.
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
'The butter's spread too thick!'
'I weep for you,'the Walrus said:
'I deeply sympathize.'
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
'O Oysters,' said the Carpenter,
'You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none --
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.
-Lewis Carroll
My Battles with Aquaman
Twice a week, during the semester, I suit up and head out for battle, anticipating the presence of my nemesis in life, Aquaman. He’s not entirely the same as the one in the comic book. Instead of being able to control fish with his my mind, my Aquaman smells like four week old fish that was caught in the radioactive waters of the Inner Harbor of Baltimore. He doesn’t wield a spear or a trident or anything cool, his weapons of choice are his extremely annoying personality AND his spastic body (that way he can scar me physically as well as emotionally! Super!) My Aquaman and I don’t do battle in an ocean; we square off on a basketball court (although two trips down the court and he’s already sweating like he just swam across the
Anyone who has ever played basketball anywhere is familiar with this kind of guy. His appearance is annoying but by itself not enough to make you hate a person to the point where you want leave an open can of tuna fish under his pillow for several weeks. Remember that obnoxious personality I spoke of; that’s what sets this guy apart. Plenty of people think they are more athletic than they really or are a better shooter than they actually are (I’d like to again apologize to my Intramural team for that game last year where I was 0-12 behind the arc, I really thought I could shoot out of it). Anyway, this in itself is a common flaw to think you’re a rec center All Star when in fact your just a solid player. Aquaman however, commits the Cardinal Sin of pick up basketball. He calls for the ball, over dribbles, drives into traffic, throws up a wild shot and then calls out his teams for not “cutting to the hoop.” Then he stays on that end of the floors while the other team scores because his squad is now a man down on defense, all the while he’s shouting, “Yo, pick up my man, pick up my man.” At the end of the game he will generally have about 5 of his team’s 6 points (on 5-17 shooting with 8 turnovers) and his man will only have about 2 points himself but will have dished out 8 assists because someone is always leaving their guy to cover his. This is where Aquaman makes me crazier than the Joker (maybe I read to many comics as a child). Aquaman will walk off the court mumbling about how bad his team was because he “had all the points and his man only scored on him like once.” When the team playing next is short one, they will inevitably pick him up because they saw his only 5 makes and then they will suffer the same fate as his first team. This is why playing on his team is almost as painful as being constantly fouled if your on the other team and he gets matched up with you (yes, that’s where my black eye last semester came from if you were wondering).
There’s nothing wrong with not being good at something, I play for exercise and with the hope of getting better. The problem is if you suck and manage to ruin other people’s fun. I don’t care if someone on my team misses a lay up or dribbles off his foot (not saying I’ve never let a few profanities fly over this) but as long as they hustle back on defense, it’s all good in the end…unless your wardrobe only consists of matching Under Armour outfits, then I’ll hate you more than class on the day before Thanksgiving, no matter how good you are.
Monday, January 12, 2009
ear to ear
a front for all occasions
no matter what you really feel, it suits you
a mask you always have with you
it seems foreign to those who don't wear it often
a shroud to hide your true feelings
let it conceal your anger, your pain, your sadness
a vale to cover up all insecurity
it can help you fit in when you feel isolated
a shield to keep you from being vulnerable
armor that can't be pierced
a good friend, a loyal friend
it will comfort you always
a cure to all that ails you
this prescription can always be filled
a miracle that will change your life
use it often and it will become second nature
a new way to live
now you do it because it feels right
a powerful answer
it makes you forget the question
a wardrobe you can't be overdressed in
wear it wherever you go, whatever the occasion
a smile
it may not equal happiness, but it’s a start