Heres some advice adviser Laura...write a how to book. It is a true skill you were to be able to not only get a decent job but be able to keep it, what is your secret? Who decided you were qualified enough to be a Walmart greeter let alone a college adviser? You may be stupid but that person is the village idiot...
The first time I ever met you I was too distracted by your Buffy the Vampire Slayer shrine of an office and you poster that says "10 reasons why your advisor is the most important person in your college career." You asked me during this appointment why you didn't have a copy of my 4 year plan already...well thats because they hadn't had us do one yet. Our next meeting you asked me what requirements I still needed to fill even though you had the print out right in front of you. Then you asked me what classes I should take to fill them...isn't your job to guide me with that?...
Then for our 3rd visit which was scheduled for 9 am, you showed up for work at 920 and went straight back in your Buffy memorial, i mean your office. Several mins after that when the student working at the advising desk reminded you that you had an appointment you said, "oh I didn't know i had any appointments for today..." Seriously?!? The day before people register for classes you didn't expect to have advising meetings...its not like most of your job as an adviser is to meet with people, crazy huh? Well then you told her you'd be out in a few minutes (which as i recall was 12mins). You finally came out and brought me back to your office where you asked if i was new here...no we've met several times, plus notice how my transcript is only from this school. Then after looking at my current schedule you said, "oh you have class at 930, why didn't you plan ahead better and set your appointment earlier, missing class is bad, its already 948."...
I did my best not to let this anger me because you probably meant well but you are just about as smart as Elmer's glue. Anyway, you told me I still needed to take a non lab science and fill that requirement. Then said students often took phil170 to fill their requirement. So thats what i did, i took phil170, which ended up being my hardest class of the current semester and the one class I have to work surprisingly hard at...
Now heres the punchline... at our next meeting you asked me why I hadn't taken a non lab science yet. To which i responded, you had me take phil170 for that and you said, "No i said it filled a requirement for some students, not you, see you filled that requirement already, right here." THATS RIGHT you had me take a class for no reason what so ever. I got no benefit from it and i could have taken astr100 with my roommate who currently has a 96.5% in the course and i could have filled a requirement instead of struggling for a B in a class that means nothing. When i mentioned this to you, you said, "Well at least now you'll have critical thinking skills and might not have this happen again, hahahahaha." Wow adviser Laura, you are funnnnnnny. How funny would it be if i ripped down one of your Buffy calendars, lit it on fire, and then urinated to put out the fire? That would be good times all around I'm sure....
Anyway the fun didn't end there because you told me after 2 years of college I had 61 of the 122 credits i'd need to graduate and then you delivered this little gem, "You have half your credits after half your years...I'm willing to say, i think thats a definite positive." Yeah? me being right on schedule isn't a negative? Go figure...
After looking at your stupid posters, hearing your voice that sounds like a parrot on helium, looking at your hair the color of vomited up carrots, having you put me behind a semester, and then talking down to me like i'm in pre k even though you are lower on the evolutionary chart than my Chapstick...the real positive is that I know it would take 100 hits to the skull with an aluminum bat for me to be as stupid as you... I guess adviser Laura you have been helpful, you have taught me the value of a good education, one neither of us received from our colleges thus far, but there is also a value in just being naturally more intelligent than 86.734% of people you meet in life, At least i have that going for me now even though I haven't finished my CORE requirements. Rock on...
